i made it hurt

You make losing you easy,

It’s like you do it on purpose

Like you know how to make it hurt

Like you feed on my weakness.

You leave twice as much as you stay,

Lesser than I need you to.

I knew it was too good to be true,

I wish I was wrong to doubt it

To doubt us.

I applaud myself,

For wishing more than I deserved,

Yearning for something different that I was use to.

But I knew karma was never late

Hurts you were the price I had to pay.

My only mistake was I forgot my place for a second,

I’m glad you were quick to remind me

Thinking about it now,

 I know I would embrace the same mistake again

Cause you make missing you easy.

an iota of kindness

It’s funny how some people in the name of religion have this believe and mindset that anyone not worshipping God the way they worship God is going to hell, it amuses me how they take the role of God in the name of religion. You can’t be so quick to pointing accusing fingers at your neighbor or giving them the judgmental look just because they are not living their lives the way you think they should! Fact is you don’t know what many of them are going through, you don’t know the battles they fight daily, you know nothing about the state of their mental health and you don’t even need to know any of this before you can be kind or better still understand that people face different challenges and have different ways of coping with them.

I see a lot of believers jumping into conclusions about non believers every minute, “oh you don’t go to church? You are going to hell!, oh you don’t pray daily? You are going to hell! You don’t cover your head? You are going to hell! Like, what if I can’t pray or go to church or cover my head cause I’m at a point in my life where my faith is low, or I’m in a state where life seems meaningless and I’m just battling with different stuffs, I know moving closer to God is the best option at this point but my faith is low! And I’m just a big mess, I can’t talk to God or go to church or anything, I just want to be distance! A lot of people go through this stage many times; in fact, many develop different coping mechanisms just to keep going, and it gets real unfair when they get judged for the type of mechanism they choose!

There’s a good reason why the bible asked us not to Judge others, you can’t see the minds of others, you don’t know why they do some certain things or act a certain way! The least you can do is to be kind, understanding, and Human.

My January……

I know it’s the middle of 2021 and practically too early to ask t how the year has been so far for you?.. But I’m still going to ask anyways “HOW HAS YOUR 2021 BEEN? Did you go into the New Year with a resolution? New intentions? New goals? If yes! How is that going? Personally I’m not really a new year new me type of person neither am I the type to set resolutions for myself, mainly because  I suck at keeping up with them, I mean I give up on doing squats 3 days after I “set my mind” to doing it.

Funny thing is, despite not being a new year new me person, I surprisingly indulged myself in a lot of new things this year, circumstance made me do somethings I would never do on a nom and one of them is going outside my box, I’m a huge fan of k drama, I can practically say that’s all I ever watch cause I feel that’s what resonates with me the most, half the time because it centers around romance and makes one swoon about all the actors and their cheesy actions which I’m totally in love with( cause why not?), and not to mention I’m sucker for languages other than my own so basically k drama is the “it” for me, I watch it a lot to the extent it feels like I’ve watched every k drama out there at least the ones I find interesting, so it’s really hard for me right now to get a new series to watch so I decided to try out Hollywood movies.

Now the thing about this is, I’m not a fan of Hollywood I can practically say I run away from anything Hollywood except if it’s a mystical kind of thing, but when it comes to their romance movies in general its always hell nah for me, so when Netflix kept on recommending “Bridergton” for me I was quit shocked when I watched it and wasn’t disappointed and I do not know how to stress this enough but I WASN’T DISAPPOINTED, before I go into the more than obvious reason, I would like to say the acting was top notch, it’s hard to watch a movie that was produced based on a book and not get disappointed, the story was typical, ive read a lot of books with similar storyline but despite this tho I didn’t get bored while watching it thanks the our duke with the pink lips and ‘Mr I can steal your girl” with my smile handsome man, but not only him the other actors and actresses were superb and my favorite character was Eloise, maybe because I could relate to her way of thinking I really do not know but I enjoyed her role. After been impressed with “Bridegerton” I gave myself the benefit of the doubt and watched a second series which was “Emily in Paris” another great series I must say,the storyline was very realistic, not the typical romance, the main character was incredible, the way her relationship life played out is in a way we can all relate to so I was very impressed .  On that note if anyone has any other movie, series recommendation with similar plot to those please share.

So asides trying out new movies, I also decided to work on my health thanks to circumstance too… don’t get me wrong I’m as healthy as I can be but I’m unapologetically addicted to not eating healthy, I’m the junks all day, all week type of person, my sugar intake is higher than how high you think high should be, and I’m not a big fan of eating fruits, I can say I take fruits only when I see one in the fridge or something which is rarely. But God been so good In his infinite mercy I’m developing belly fat, just imagine a size 6 with a little baby bump but with no baby (L) so now I have no choice that to start eating healthy, cut down on my intake of sugar, soda and everything sugary life to offer, I even read somewhere that taking water with cucumber in it also helps, idk how true that is but I’ve been trying that for a couple of days and also eating more fruits. So please if anyone has any advice on how to shed the belly fat without becoming too skinny or losing all the medium ass please help a girl out.

So basically basically, my January has been filled with unplanned new experience… how as yours been so far? I hope you are keeping safe in this pandemic and not losing a touch of yourself? Matter of fact I hope you are discovering yourself daily and finding new ways to grow other than the yesterday you? You cant afford to let yourself down this yearand If you are in a situation or circumstance weighing you down, I want you to know it’s going to be okay at the end of the day why? Because you are one of God’s favorites.

tOdAy

Today, I embraced the pain.

It felt good

Seconds of satisfaction

Yet not enough.

I  still wouldn’t let the tears flow,

I don’t deserve that much bliss

Today, I embraced the pain

It felt like my cheat day

I let it all out

All the emotions I could allow.

image from Pinterest

The little me

Always thought humans had the power

Always thought we had dominion,

Masters of our lives

Lords of our paths

The little me was wrong.

OH! How novice were my thoughts,

To think we had reign over life

Oh! How cruel life is……

Watching me struggle with my princess crown

Laughing at my circus little mind.

Change in seasons,

Years and years has passed

And the crown wouldn’t sit

It still doesn’t fit

The little me was wrong.

Now a queen, still a slave to my emotions,

Still wandering about with my little circus mind.

Deep breathe

Sometimes I wish we lived more for ourselves than we do for others..

Sometimes I wish we lived freely

Sometimes I wish we could be a little bit selfish with our lives

Living,despite the judgement eyes of ours and the world

Living, not caring one bit about what people would say

Just simply living for myself alone

Unapologetically.

what should be the right title?

Have you ever thought about why God said the greatest commandment was LOVE? Mark 12:31 says “This is the second: ‘YOU SHALL [UNSELFISHLY] LOVE, YOUR NEIBHOR AS YOURSELF’ then it goes further to say that THERE IS NO OTHER COMMANDMENT GREATER THAN THIS.

Why do you think God made emphasis on the fact that loving our neighbor as much as we love ourselves was greater than any other commandment? Have you ever imagined a world without selfishness?  Now imagine a world where everyone basically loved their neighbor just as much as they love themselves, the truth is nobody wants to get hurt, nobody wants to be sad, everybody just wants to be happy why? Because we all love ourselves! And most times in our attempt in making ourselves happy we go to any lengths in achieving it, even if it means some else is going to get hurt in the process, or  getting sad. We really don’t care what happens to others as long as we are happy right?

God knew one of our qualities as human being is the differences in our orientations which would naturally lead to our beliefs. We all can agree that one of the core reasons for enmity is differences in opinions; many times we always believe our individual view is the right one so at times we fail in agreeing to disagree, most times in leads to fight until we become enemies. God knew all this was bound to happen so he says love your neighbor as yourself, respect them despite their differences, love them even when you aren’t on the same page, respect them even when you have contrary opinions, simply love as much as you would love yourself, love without boundaries. TREAT THEM JUST THE WAY YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED.

ps:#ENDSARS #ENDPOLICEBRUTALITYINNIGERIA

No title…

With caressing words,

He lured me out of my harbour

With tender hands,

He broke down my walls,

Crumbling my defenses

With a soothing voice

He led me to his haven

He called it love

I called it my greatest fear

With baby steps,

I embraced his home

Dwelled in his comfort

Let my guard down

Forgot the tickling time.

Without words

He retraced his steps

Leaving me with the shell of his oath

I was no Cinderella

But I knew it was time to go..

the illusion of perfection.

The illusion of perfection…..

Feelings are amusing, envy for instance is probably the most “blacklisted” emotion in the history of emotions, we feel its toxic and unhealthy to envy someone even if it’s a feeling we have no control on, shouldn’t it only be labeled forbidden and toxic when that emotion turns to greed or hate because truth be told we all are envious of something another person has, we crave things that are in the possession of others, and no it doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you human.

The lady who lives in a castle wish she could live in a small apartment “it feels cozy”, the lady who lives in an apartment wish she could live in a bigger house “everything is in there”. The celebrity silently wish she could walk freely around the park, break some rules unapologetically, she wish for an ordinary life with no cameras “she wants her freedom”, the lady with an ordinary life stops briefly at the bus station daily to admire the billboards “she wish she was the brunette with the bright red lips”

The illusion of perfection comes from the belief that everyone’s life is perfect, everyone but you! however the irony of it is that, someone else craves your imperfect life and sees it as perfection, the way you look at others lives and use it as blueprint is the same way someone else sees yours as a blueprint. You wonder what they see right? I can assure you that the person you envy feels the same way. That’s just the way life is, it’s an unending cycle. We all judge our lives by looking at other’s perfectly imperfect life, craving other’s smile, joy, laughter, forgetting that we only see what we are allowed to see, But if you look closely you’ll see the crack and holes in the smiles, it’s not different front yours.

We all crave the same thing which is happiness, we all want to be happy, I mean who doesn’t want a fulfilling happiness. But is anyone really happy? Can you boast not to want any other thing in your life other than what you already have? No right? Do you have the happiness that comes from peace? The truth is that no one is really happy yet everyone has something that makes others envy them.

What then is the essence of comparing your life to that of another, what then is the purpose of hating your own life because of another person’s life? When the person is in fact still in search of more bricks to fill its holes? Don’t you think we all are in search of the same thing? Free yourself from the illusion of perfection and focus more on your reality, that way you see how normal it is to have few holes and cracks and that’s where perfection lies.

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Ps: for some weird reason, I don’t think I constructed it as well as it is in my head, I’m sorry to anyone reading this and it doesn’t make any bit of sense to you.

colors?

It’s hard to be unique in a world of judgmental people,

Who are so quick to point fingers.

 It’s hard to stand out in a colorless world,

Imagine wanting to be yellow in a black and white world,

Oh, how odd would that be?

How hard people will bark,

At the odd  you have no control over,

The odd that chose you.

I wonder if people realize it’s my world,

And  not our world.

No matter how hard you bark,

It’s not going to change who I am

No matter how long you make me hide

My colors can’t be concealed

I am, who I say I am.

And not who you want me to be.